Five Things

1. I know some people manage to live in this world without losing their minds, but I am not naturally one of them. I have to work at it. 

2. As part of this, I have a paper calendar that lies flat on my desk, slightly to my left, but always in my peripheral vision. Especially when I’m working on my computer, my calendar is just one of many “windows” I have open, but unlike digital tabs, it can’t be closed or minimized. The reminder that our days are numbered—and that each day can hold only so much—grounds and focuses me. Memento mori and all that. 

3. On my calendar, in each day’s box, I draw—with a black felt-tip pen—five smaller boxes. These represent the five things I need to do each day to remain even-keeled: walk, work, shower, stretch, and connect.*

After I’ve done one of these things, I get to fill in its box. My Paper Mate Flairs come in sets of 24—so many glorious colors!—but for this ritual, I always use the same pens: walk/pink, work/green, shower/blue, stretch/purple, connect/orange. 

If I fail to do one of these things on any given day, I color the box grey—not in a chastising, here’s-your-demerit kind of way. It’s more of an I-deeply-understand-the-power-of-color-coding kind of way. I can look at my calendar and diagnose at a glance why I’m feeling low: not enough pink—need to get walking.

If a day includes something out of the ordinary—like an alpine hike shot through with wildflowers—I draw that thing under the five boxes. I often forget to take photos, and I forget many of the photos I do take. Drawing with the earnestness, and skill, of a five year old—I’m sure my tongue is sticking out—cements for me distinctive moments, at least as much as any moment can be cemented. 

4. What’s that you ask? Do I travel with my interactive, color-coded (Sierra Club) calendar? No! Do you know how much 14 pages of environmentally-responsible card stock weighs? That would be crazy. 

Instead ::she says, clearing her throat and trying very hard not to sound crazy:: I xerox the part of the calendar page that includes the days I’ll be away. I then travel with that one piece of paper and a pencil case full of my “road” markers, and I proceed as normal: systematically doing the things and coloring in the corresponding boxes. When I get home, I take some scissors, cut out that stretch of travel days and glue them—in all their technicolor glory—onto my calendar, delighting, I will confess, in the interesting topography this brings to an otherwise uniformly glossy page. 

5. I did not start this routine recently. I’ve been doing it for decades. Even when the world was objectively more stable, my personal relationship to it was tenuous enough to require a system. Now that we live in a madman’s world, and so many people are battling despair, I think there’s value in sharing our various ways of coping. Not to say: here, try my system—no one thing works for everyone. Just to say: there’s nothing wrong with you if you need a system in order to put one foot in front of the other. Life has always been hard, and this moment—absent terra firma of any kind**—is especially difficult. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, but also: don’t give up. 
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*For those who like to compare notes: 

I walk for 75 minutes per day. This is probably excessive, but I love walking, and it’s also when I “read” (i.e. listen to) books.

“Work” is a broad term encompassing paid work, volunteer work, studying, writing, etc. Anything difficult that requires sustained focus and real effort. 

“Shower” sounds like a low bar, I know, but when you love words and ideas as much as I do, it’s tempting to crouch over a keyboard for 20 hours a day and think of a body that needs feeding and grooming as something of an inconvenience. This reminds me: don’t do that. Don’t live like a brain in a jar. 

“Stretch” is similar. I don’t love stretching—the sheer smugness of all you casual toe touchers galls me!—but I’m told that it staves off injury. So, fine—I’ll keep at it. 

“Connect” is, I’m sure, the least surprising thing on this list. I find meaning in connecting authentically with other people. This comes more easily to me than stretching, but it can be tricky in its own way. 

**Am I referring to global turmoil? Economic worries? The way our political system seems to sort for the predatory and unprincipled? All of the above, dear reader. All of the above.