That Was Awkward — Let’s Do It Again
A few weeks ago, I used Paperless Post to create this draft invitation (above).
I then downloaded the image and texted it to a bunch of fellow parents I like but rarely see. I chose not to use Paperless Post’s built-in RSVP function and email reminders, all of which felt too formal for the gathering I envisioned.
What exactly did I envision?
Above all: a coalition of the willing. I didn’t want anyone to attend out of a sense of obligation. Beyond that, I had two goals:
1) I hoped to create a setting in which our teenagers, all now teetering on the nest’s edge, might hang with us for a couple of hours. I genuinely love their (already-scarce) company, and I am not above conceding to their tacit demands: ample snacks, minimal small talk, and zero overlap with their evening plans. (I get it: even if they have no evening plans, those plans are still better than hanging out with their parents.)
2) I aimed to put at least a tiny dent in the daunting project that is Building Community. For the 17 years (?!) that Chris and I have lived on Bainbridge Island, we have done certain things well: built businesses, cared for extended family, stayed in touch with old friends, fed our children most of the food groups most of the time. But, with a few precious exceptions, we have not done a great job of getting to know our neighbors. As someone who struggles with small talk myself, I decided (singlehandedly — the rest of my family is blameless) that games are the answer.
How did it go?
Our first GNITA (Game Night… In The Afternoon) took place this past Saturday. On the plus side: people came! Most of them willingly! And an actual game was actually played: eight kids, ranging in age from 14 to 18, played a game called Just One for over two hours.
However, there were also what the corporate world would call “learnings”: our house is cramped and got very hot. Perhaps the age-old convention of the RSVP exists for a reason.
Also, it’s adults (not teens) who are the tricky ones. I just couldn’t tell: were the parents happy chitchatting with one another off to the side while their kids played a game? Or would they have preferred to play a game themselves? Alternatively, were they hoping to play a game with the kids — in which case: a) same! and b) how exactly do I make that happen??? Do I invite people to the house and just start bossing them around? (That seems weird, even for me.)
Three days afterwards, I was still mulling all this when I listened to this fascinating conversation between Ezra Klein and community-building expert Priya Parker. The whole discussion was gripping, but two points in particular leapt out:
- Klein’s introductory comment that the topic is “a bit of a break from politics — but also not.” Because pulling disparate people together is “as essential as any political or civic discipline could be right now.”
- Parker’s insistence that one of the keys to a meaningful gathering is to have “a disputable purpose” — a clear vision that “not everyone would agree with.”
Well, well. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. :-)
I’ve committed to at least two more of these gatherings. I plan to tinker with the format, but together Klein and Parker have given me the confidence to persevere.
Now, tell me if you would about your neighborhood: Do you gather? In what ways and how often? I’d love to hear—and quite possibly steal—from you.
Thanks for reading,
Kate
